itneverhappened

Do you ever realize, much later, that someone or something failed your expectations? I’ve never labeled myself an optimist, but from time to time, I notice a hope I’ve held, one that has comforted and reenforced my worldview, has never born fruit.

I think sometimes I pen, bind, and shelve these hopes in hope that they will ease the disappointment of certain possibilities, as a kind of denial. I am rarely eager to wield the purging scalpel of What Actually Happened, as hope can help numb truth even after hope has become incoherent –providing it sticks to subconscious skirmishes and never has to withstand a frontal assault. By the time hope can no longer reasonably hold its ground in my mental catalogue of reality, the truth is more inevitable and less jarring.

Shit. Three metaphors in as many sentences? (book, surgical, military) …I was trying to clarify things.